Pride and Vanity

I wonder how to reconcile my vanity, my conscious attention to my appearance, with my inner observer.
I have often though that vanity was necessary, simply to present others with a more pleasant experience when interacting with me. But now I wonder, because if that beauty is not appreciated, but rather offends others, or makes them feel inadequate, I have only glorified myself at someone else's expense.

And I cannot lie: I like to feel like I look good. I am proud of my looks.
Mary, one of the Bennett sisters in Pride and Prejudice, remarks, "Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us."
Can the answer be as simple as pride is good and vanity is bad?
Perhaps, but I feel that I must explore it more. There are occupations, for instance, where, as part of one's duties, one must maintain a certain appearance. The appearance of a politician, for example, is a necessity for his/her message to be heard.
But even this vanity probably should be avoided for the benefit of society. If a politician affects an personality that cannot be reconciled with his true personality, the public would not be best served by electing based on that image.
On a personal level, I do think that vanity without pride can be dangerous. The mixture can lead to a sneaky path of self loathing while one is being showered with adoration by others.
Ultimately, I think vanity is self-defeating. Too much attention to vanity can often either undermine one's pride, by tying it to validation received by others, or reveal itself as insecurity to others, which is rarely the appearance that one wants to affect.
Perhaps, the ultimate answer is to cultivate pride in one's self, and let appearances take care of themselves. Perhaps, others will actually think the best of you when you think the best of yourself. This approach certainly sounds much easier than monitoring every outfit, every conversational response, and all body language during interactions. I hope I can rely on my innate laziness to guide me towards this easier path.