Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Point of Dialogue

Once, I was in traffic, at 3 pm, leaving Houston. I had been trying to leave from 10 am, but had delayed myself with distractions. And then I got stuck in rush hour.

I was very angry. However, I did not realize my anger until I vocalized it.


And once I had vocalized my anger, I stated aloud what was bothering me.

'I am angry that I am in this traffic right now.'

But no, that wasn't quite right, was it?

'I am angry at myself for not leaving earlier.'

But, that was in the past; what was the point of being angry now? Anger over a past decision is unnecessary.

Huh. The only thing I can do is take a lesson from it.

And when I realized that, the anger was gone. And I realized the situation had never been bad in the first place. I was in my car (and I enjoy being in my car) and there was a nice NPR broadcast (and I enjoy NPR).

My anger at the situation had been the very thing causing the anger! Once it had been discovered, it had shriveled and died.

And left, unobscured, the present moment, laid out shining on the freeway in a sun-soaked Houston afternoon.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Reflection as an Optimizer

Doing absolutely nothing, sitting with my eyes closed, just breathing - this is the time I am most productive.
It is hard to remember this sometimes, when things are so busy. But that is when it is absolutely essential.
Feeling overwhelmed accomplishes nothing. Randomly starting, rushing from activity to activity, accomplishes little. But optimizing your activity - that's the key to cutting through, when the bullshit is piled up high on top of you.
You have to think. And you have to stop thinking. Thinking until your thoughts run out. You have to give time for that. Because those thoughts... they can either hurt you (if you ignore them) or help you (if you acknowledge them).
When you ignore them, they don't go away. They sit like a cloud, like buzzing bees. And every activity seeds a new one. "Oh, I'll think about that later," and a little bee joins the swarm, until the buzzing is so loud that you can't think, or see, or feel, anything.
Take a moment. Take each one, give them a breath. Just one breath, that's it, and they dissolve and envelop your mind; they consume it, and then are consumed. Don't be afraid to give them away, throw them back into that black abyss. You don't lose them. You just... sort them.
If you let them, your thoughts will decide your priorities for you. And then you can just pick that thing that floats to the top of your mind, and it will be the right action.
What is the right action now? Right now?
Sit. Think. Stop Thinking. Then do it.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Do not seek and you will find

The Tao is something that slips into the periphery when you try to look at it directly. How can such an object be confined to a name?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Pleasure and Moderation

I like pleasures. They please me.
Pleasures can be indulged in - at times, pleasures are necessary.
And when they are necessary, I usually find myself uniquely positioned enjoy them - ample time, great location, in a wonderful way. It is like the universe is arranging itself for me to take that moment and simply enjoy.
A lot of times I desire something when it is not what I really want. Often, the fact that a certain delectation would be too much, or that a type of thrill would be inappropriate for the time and place, perversely motivates me to partake of it. My mind tests the resolve of my intellect - how strong is the refusal?
Sometimes I give in. These are the moments of pure enjoyment for now - fuck all future nows, those are laters... I usually regret this, begrudgingly accepting it as yet another mistake made.
Sometimes I hold out. I usually don't regret this later. Because the desire has been resisted, my mind yearns to renew it later, with full force. And satisfying that resurfacing intensifies the indulgence.
I could imagine that pushing the desire under consciousness enough times will eventually sink it forever - this must be the way of sages, true jnana yogis. But to follow that path, a greater desire must motivate you - the desire to lose desire, ascetism.
I have never desired to lose all desires - though most are unnecessary. I have desired always to do, to accomplish in this world, and sometimes that doing encompasses pleasurable activities.
I eventually give in - my mind deserves some satisfaction. But the best time to give in when the stars are aligned, when everything is in its right place, when it seems that all my life, all I have ever wanted, was to be right here, right now, doing this.
That is a pleasure worth waiting for.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


It's amazing how sometimes I forget to be content...
It starts with some problem, some change in my situation. Then I begin, frantically, to better my situation. And the harder I try, the less and less I accomplish.
I eventually end up like a hampster on a wheel, just spinning and spinning...
Somehow, I find my way back. It takes time for most changes to settle in. Sometimes you just have to let things play out.
And in the meantime, enjoy yourself.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Taking a moment

Why do we say that we "take" naps?
Why do we say that we "take" a moment?

I think it might have something to do with an attitude of time not being ours, and that we have to take it, from some being, or from something else that we "have to" do.
Time is ours, give yourself ownership of it.
The next time you want to sleep, "give" yourself a nap, and "give" yourself a moment to rest.
The moment is yours to enjoy.