Reflection as an Optimizer

Doing absolutely nothing, sitting with my eyes closed, just breathing - this is the time I am most productive.
It is hard to remember this sometimes, when things are so busy. But that is when it is absolutely essential.
Feeling overwhelmed accomplishes nothing. Randomly starting, rushing from activity to activity, accomplishes little. But optimizing your activity - that's the key to cutting through, when the bullshit is piled up high on top of you.
You have to think. And you have to stop thinking. Thinking until your thoughts run out. You have to give time for that. Because those thoughts... they can either hurt you (if you ignore them) or help you (if you acknowledge them).
When you ignore them, they don't go away. They sit like a cloud, like buzzing bees. And every activity seeds a new one. "Oh, I'll think about that later," and a little bee joins the swarm, until the buzzing is so loud that you can't think, or see, or feel, anything.
Take a moment. Take each one, give them a breath. Just one breath, that's it, and they dissolve and envelop your mind; they consume it, and then are consumed. Don't be afraid to give them away, throw them back into that black abyss. You don't lose them. You just... sort them.
If you let them, your thoughts will decide your priorities for you. And then you can just pick that thing that floats to the top of your mind, and it will be the right action.
What is the right action now? Right now?
Sit. Think. Stop Thinking. Then do it.

Do not seek and you will find

The Tao is something that slips into the periphery when you try to look at it directly. How can such an object be confined to a name?

Pleasure and Moderation

I like pleasures. They please me.
Pleasures can be indulged in - at times, pleasures are necessary.
And when they are necessary, I usually find myself uniquely positioned enjoy them - ample time, great location, in a wonderful way. It is like the universe is arranging itself for me to take that moment and simply enjoy.
A lot of times I desire something when it is not what I really want. Often, the fact that a certain delectation would be too much, or that a type of thrill would be inappropriate for the time and place, perversely motivates me to partake of it. My mind tests the resolve of my intellect - how strong is the refusal?
Sometimes I give in. These are the moments of pure enjoyment for now - fuck all future nows, those are laters... I usually regret this, begrudgingly accepting it as yet another mistake made.
Sometimes I hold out. I usually don't regret this later. Because the desire has been resisted, my mind yearns to renew it later, with full force. And satisfying that resurfacing intensifies the indulgence.
I could imagine that pushing the desire under consciousness enough times will eventually sink it forever - this must be the way of sages, true jnana yogis. But to follow that path, a greater desire must motivate you - the desire to lose desire, ascetism.
I have never desired to lose all desires - though most are unnecessary. I have desired always to do, to accomplish in this world, and sometimes that doing encompasses pleasurable activities.
I eventually give in - my mind deserves some satisfaction. But the best time to give in when the stars are aligned, when everything is in its right place, when it seems that all my life, all I have ever wanted, was to be right here, right now, doing this.
That is a pleasure worth waiting for.

Contedness

It's amazing how sometimes I forget to be content...
It starts with some problem, some change in my situation. Then I begin, frantically, to better my situation. And the harder I try, the less and less I accomplish.
I eventually end up like a hampster on a wheel, just spinning and spinning...
Somehow, I find my way back. It takes time for most changes to settle in. Sometimes you just have to let things play out.
And in the meantime, enjoy yourself.

Taking a moment

Why do we say that we "take" naps?
Why do we say that we "take" a moment?

I think it might have something to do with an attitude of time not being ours, and that we have to take it, from some being, or from something else that we "have to" do.
Time is ours, give yourself ownership of it.
The next time you want to sleep, "give" yourself a nap, and "give" yourself a moment to rest.
The moment is yours to enjoy.

Resurrection

What is the resurrection, really? It is the revelation of the divinity inherent in man. That is the result of contact with the Godhead; that can come only after years of contrition. (Sathya Sai Baba 28 February 1964)

Recognizing that divinity inherent in you... this enables anything - even the conquering of the constraints of your physical body...

Learning to Listen Again

I have felt its absence. This is evident in my previous blog posts.
Focusing on improving myself - am I not already as I should be?
I am even pretentious in my approach to this blog, seeking to improve others, to write intelligent, relevant articles. Others do not need my help - they are as they have been made, in the current moment.
I do not seek to improve. I do not strive for excellence - thus, I am excellent.
God, the Tao has been absent from my life for so long. How has it taken me so long to realize this?
Perhaps it was the absence of music. I used to pursue music. What happened to that?
I stopped listening, even caring for listening. I made pitiful stabs at melodies.
Perhaps I don't do justice to my recent attempts... What I do feel negative about, is the attitude with which my latest attempts have been made. It has been forced a lot of times, motivated by desire for music mastery, rather than resulting from my inner self expressing thoughts and feelings in one of the few languages it can speak: song.
Music flows, when it is made from the anima.

Jung described an anima and animus creating the inner core of a person's true self, whereas his persona represents the outer (conscious) aspects. I feel that there is some truth to this model; at times in my life, I have felt motivated by forces beyond what I am consciously aware of. I could call these unconscious motivations a sort of psyche...
Lately I feel that my persona has been obscuring these motivations. My financial desires - these are inventions of my persona, not my anima. And when the external desires are in focus, my view of the primal self is obscured.
I could probably equate this primal self with the silent observer. How false this blog's name is! The last several posts have not been the voice of the observer at all - they have been the rantings of my outer self, which, of course, is not worth listening to.

My goal: listen.